Sometimes Dad's Have To Ask for Forgiveness

One week till Courageous

Fallen pilot's 10-year-old: Don't forget my dad This story started on CNN iReport By Ashley Fantz, CNN

http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/08/09/chinook.son.ireport/index.html?iref=allsearch

(CNN) -- A week ago, 10-year-old Braydon Nichols started to think about his dad and how much he missed him.
Army Chief Warrant Officer Bryan Nichols, a helicopter pilot, had been deployed for two months in Afghanistan.
The little boy, in the car with his mother running errands, brushed back his dirty-blond hair and ran his hand over his cheek.

Jessica Nichols looked over when she heard sniffles. Her son was crying.
"When is Dad coming back so we go camping?" he asked her.
Soon, she assured him. "Your dad is off fighting for this country."
The boy replied, "As soon as he gets home, we're going to go on a camping trip, just me and him."
Navy SEAL widow remembers her hero Fiancee remembers Navy SEAL Reaction to deaths of SEALs Remains of troops en route to U.S

Jessica Nichols cannot stop replaying that scene in her mind. That's because only a few days later, on Saturday night, she was cradling her boy who was crying once again. Except this time she could not tell him that his father was coming home. She had just received a call informing her that Bryan Nichols was one of the 30 Americans who died that afternoon when their Chinook helicopter was shot down in Wardak province in east-central Afghanistan.
"It was just so devastating that a week ago or so Braydon had that worried look on his face, thinking about his dad," she said.

"Braydon and Bryan were so connected. Braydon was like a little version of his dad."
Bryan Nichols and Jessica Nichols met in sixth grade. Bryan was a born military buff. His father was a soldier and served in Vietnam. Bryan enlisted in the military before high school graduation. A few years later, he and Jessica married and had Braydon.

Bryan worked his way up through the military ranks.
"He always wanted to be in the Army," she said. "He came across the Chinook and was so fascinated. His father flew Chinooks."

Bryan Nichols did three deployments during their marriage. It proved to be too much for their relationship, she said. They divorced when Braydon was 3, but remained close to raise Braydon.
Bryan remarried, and his new wife and Jessica all got along. They all loved and cared for Braydon, she said.
It was Bryan's wife, Mary, who contacted Jessica Saturday night to say that Bryan had died. "She was screaming," Jessica said. "She was screaming that Bryan was dead."
Jessica couldn't believe what she was hearing. She hung up. Her heart was beating hard. Braydon was in his room, still awake and playing.

Jessica walked toward the room, and stood by his door for a moment, overcome with grief.
"I went to my room and tried to figure out what was going on," she said.
Jessica pulled herself together as best she could and phoned her brother who lives nearby. He came to her house to support her.

Together, they called Braydon downstairs.
In his pajamas, Braydon stood in front of his mother and uncle.
"I said, 'Braydon, do you know much your dad loves you? Do you know how proud of you he is?"
Before she could say anything more, the boy wilted in her arms, sobbing.
"I said, 'I'm sorry ... your ... dad died."

The mother and son held each other and cried. An hour, maybe, went by. At one point Braydon got off the couch and ambled over to a Shih Tzu puppy, Lucy, that his mother bought him when his father got deployed.
He held the dog for awhile. Then he fell asleep for a bit, and she went out to their porch.
The night gave way to day.

On Sunday morning, Jessica and Braydon Nichols watched the national news broadcast the first reports about the downing of a Chinook helicopter. They listened to reporters say that 38 U.S. and Afghan service personnel were killed, including 22 Navy SEALs. It was the single deadliest loss for American troops since the war in Afghanistan began in late 2001.

"Braydon asked me why they weren't showing his dad's picture like they were showing some of the other guys," Jessica Nichols told CNN.com. "I told him it was because people had gone online and were posting photos."
That gave the boy an idea. The two went to the family computer. She pulled up CNN.com.
Braydon started saying, "iReport! iReport!"
Like his father, Braydon is an information sponge. He's always on the hunt for facts, his loves the computer, and he likes watching the news, his mother said. Braydon knew that he could post something about his dad on CNN.com's iReport.

So Jessica Nichols went to the iReport home page. Her son told her what to write.
"My father was one of the 30 US Soldiers killed in Afghanistan yesterday with the Seals rescue mission," she typed. "My father was the pilot of the chinook. I have seen other pictures of victims from this deadly mission and wish you would include a picture of my father. He is the farthest to the left."
See the iReport Braydon posted
He told her to sign his name.

Within hours, the iReport had become viral. Local news outlets across the country reported on it. More than 10,000 people on Facebook re-posted it. Twitter was abuzz about it. Many people left comments, expressing their sorrow for Braydon and telling him to be strong and that his father is a hero.
CNN.com began trying to get in touch with the person who posted the iReport to verify it, first reaching the boy's aunt. Sue Keller of Palco, Kansas, told CNN late Monday night that the boy wanted the country to remember his father not just as a soldier but as a dad.

Home and Away: Share your tributes to Chief Warrant Officer Nichols
On Monday night, Braydon's mother told him that a lot of people were talking about his iReport.
"He didn't say anything," she said. "He's been reading it over and over. He doesn't understand the people can post comments so I'm telling him that people are trying to talk to him. He just looks at the comments and then he walks away.
"He says, 'Mom, can we go watch a movie?'"
Late Monday night, Jessica Nichols said she couldn't find her son for a moment. He had disappeared in the house. She was yelling for him.

She found him in a closet, curled up on the floor, crying, going through a box of photo albums.
The boy said he wanted to take one of the photos and put it in his wallet.
He asked her, "'Can we go to be with Dad?'"
She replied that they would go to his father's funeral and they would be there for anything and everything the boy wanted.
"He said, 'Yeah, I'd like to go be with him when he comes home, and I said, 'OK, we will be.'"
CNN's Moni Basu contributed to this report.

Jeff Gordon - Fatherhood Learned

Jeff Gordon still has goals to reach before putting brakes on career
Greensboro News & Record

By Dustin Long SPEEDWAY, Ind. -- Ella Gordon interrupted her father's bicycle ride one day with a ... The moment, as for any parent, was unforgettable. ...

For the rest of the article go to: http://search.triadcars.news-record.com/autos/widgets/featuredAutos.php?clientId=triad&pp=4&cols=2&nopageview=y&nouniquevisitor=y&showHeader=n&showFooter=n&showBorders=n&showAllFeaturedLink=n

MLB baseball dads allowed to make home runs for birth.

I love this article about how MLB is becoming dad friendly. All companies should follow their example.

MLB/ Baseball dads allowed to make home runs for births
BY NAOFUMI MURAKAMI CORRESPONDENT

http://www.asahi.com/english/TKY201106280260.html

NEW YORK--A new paternity leave system introduced this season gives Major League Baseball players the right to leave their teams for up to three days to be with their wives when they give birth.

And why not? Major leaguers are just as busy as other working fathers with their long road trips and back-to-back games, and the new paternity leave system allows MLB players to strengthen their bonds with their families.

The first major leaguer to take paternity leave was Texas Rangers pitcher Colby Lewis, who used to play for the Hiroshima Carp. After receiving a call from his wife that she may be giving birth within the next few days, Lewis got permission to leave his team. The Rangers were traveling from the East Coast to the Midwest at the time.

Lewis flew several thousand kilometers west to his family home in California. By the time he got home, his wife had already gone into labor, and Lewis was able to be at his wife's side when she gave birth to their first daughter on the evening of April 13.

Lewis was scheduled to be the starting pitcher against the New York Yankees two days later, but he applied for three days off, as guaranteed by the new paternity leave system. His absence was a precious missed opportunity for him and for his team, but Lewis doesn't regret it.

"I didn't want to miss the opportunity (of being there when his daughter was born)," Lewis said. "I am so happy to have spent that unforgettable time with my family."

During those three days, Lewis helped change his daughter's diapers, gave her milk and put her to bed.

Kurt Suzuki, a third-generation Japanese-American catcher for the Oakland Athletics, left his team for two days for the birth of his first child.

"It feels great. I'm in awe still," Suzuki told a U.S. media outlet.

When he returned to his team the following day, he hit a home run. He says that his new family member gave him strength.

Before the paternity leave system was introduced, major leaguers were allowed to leave their teams to be present for a child's birth only "if permitted by team management." Due to that clause and the lack of an official rule, some MLB players were not allowed to take time off for the birth of a child.

The paternity leave system will rid MLB of this inequality. The system was requested by a group of players and was unanimously approved at a meeting of executives from all 30 MLB teams last November. So far, eight major leaguers have taken paternity leave.

The system has benefits for the teams as well. Until now, if a player left the team, the ballclub would have to continue with just 24 players. Only 25 players are allowed on the bench, but if teams are missing a member due to paternity leave, they are now allowed to replace the absent athlete with a player from the minor leagues. Even though it's only for a few days, the teams can let a young player experience life in the majors.

Chicago Cubs outfielder Kosuke Fukudome was able to be present for the birth of his first daughter in late April. He didn't use the paternity leave system because the game was rained out that day, by coincidence. But he nevertheless appreciates the option.

"It's wonderful to have a system that allows us to take time off for our families. I think it reflects what the U.S. stands for. This would never be possible in Japan," Fukudome says.

The system was introduced at a time when major leaguers' bonds with their families were said to be weakening. According to a study by a U.S. media outlet, roughly 80 percent of married MLB players get divorced. That's much higher than the U.S. average of around 50 percent. One factor could be the long-term absence of major leaguers as fathers.

Official league games start in late March and go on for six months. Each team plays 162 games in MLB, more than professional baseball in Japan. Major leaguers spend more than 220 days a year away from their homes and families.

In addition, MLB players often get traded. They rarely stay with one team for life, and many refrain from buying homes where their teams are based unless they are given long-term contracts. Most major leaguers leave their families in warm states like Florida or California, and work out of state.

MLB public relations officer Pat Courtney says, "Players were torn between their families and leaving their teams a man short. Baseball understands that players need to be with their families. Oftentimes, players felt guilty about taking the leave because they could not be replaced, or rushed back so their clubs would not suffer on the field. The paternity list was created to address those issues."

In the United States, more than 90 percent of men are reportedly present for the birth of their children. Many men even take time off to accompany their pregnant wives on regular doctors' visits. According to a U.S. media survey, working American fathers spend an average of 62 minutes a day taking care of their children, ranking third among working fathers in advanced nations. That's three times more than the time the average working Japanese father spends with his children.

National Fatherhood Initiative president Roland Warren hopes the paternity leave system will have a positive impact on society.

"Professional athletes are role models for good behavior," said Warren. "When you have professional athletes taking paternity leave, it really does create a scenario where other fathers are more likely to do it."

But some critics believe major leaguers should sacrifice everything for their teams, considering the extremely high salaries they are getting, an average of $3 million (242.27 million yen) a year.

The generations of ballplayers who were told they couldn't go home, even for their parents' last moments, feel awkward about the system.

"Twenty-five years ago, nobody left," New York Mets skipper Terry Collins, 62, who also managed in Japan with Orix, told the New York media.

Back in his playing days, major leaguers were told during a game that their wives had given birth or were told to return to the team immediately after the birth of their child. Nolan Ryan, 64, a pitching legend who won 324 games in his career, said in a radio interview, "In those days, they never allowed you to go home for a child to be born."

In 2003, MLB introduced bereavement leave, allowing players to leave their teams for up to seven days for the deaths or final days of family members. This season, the Seattle Mariners' Justin Smoak took roughly a week off in late April for his father's funeral.

In Japanese professional baseball, there is no system in place for players to take time off for the death of a family member or the birth of a child. Whether players can leave a team all depends on the whim of club management. As a result, foreign players are often allowed to return to their home countries in midseason, but Japanese players rarely miss games for days on end.

HHS releases money for fatherhood

Supporting Our Fathers and Our Families
Posted: 06/29/11 05:29 PM ET

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sec-kathleen-sebelius/supporting-our-fathers-an_b_887231.html?ir=Yahoo

On Father's Day, many of us took the time to celebrate how much our dads mean to us. My father turned 90 this year, and I feel blessed that he is able to enjoy and engage with his children, grandchildren and now a great-granddaughter. Whether it's coaching little league or getting involved in a parent-teacher association or just being a good role model, active and involved fathers boost their kids' self-esteem and provide them with a secure environment to thrive.

Unfortunately, far too many children today do not have a father figure in their lives. One out of every three children in America lives apart from his or her father. And research shows that these children are more likely to live in poverty, drop out of school, and engage in risky behaviors.

As Secretary of Health and Human Services, I believe we need to provide fathers and families with the support they need in the most important job they have: raising America's next generation.

This is why I am pleased to announce a new $150 million investment in programs that support responsible fatherhood and healthy marriages. We know there's a close connection between having a job and being able to provide for a self-sufficient, functional family, and these programs will connect dads to jobs, training programs, and financial advice. They will also strengthen the bonds between couples with kids, reducing domestic violence and providing role models for adulthood. This work supports families without dads, too, affirming the central role that mothers have in the lives of their children.

Responsible, involved fathers help raise healthy children and build strong communities. Today's investment builds upon the president's Fatherhood and Mentoring Initiative, which I helped launch last year. This effort is a call to action to cities and states, individuals and organizations -- from the NFL Players Association, to the National PTA, to everyday moms and dads -- to raise awareness about responsible fatherhood and to work together to re-engage absent fathers with their families.

Recently, the effort brought Jonathan Mayo to the White House for an event celebrating fatherhood. Jonathan believes his responsibility as a father goes beyond his children. As internship coordinator at an organization called Year Up, he takes time to mentor young people in his community who need someone to have high expectations of them.

Mary Polk also participated. Through her work in Delaware government, she saw first-hand the obstacles that fathers faced like limited parenting skills due to a lack of role models in their own lives. To address these obstacles, Mary co-founded Delaware's Fatherhood/Family Coalition. The group has developed strategies that promote parenting and mentoring skills while also raising awareness about the needs of fathers and families.

Thousands of individuals like Jonathan and Mary have signed on to the president's Fatherhood and Mentoring Initiative. Businesses are joining to promote simple, yet meaningful, opportunities for dads and kids to connect. And organizations are supporting families as they learn how to adjust to a military parent returning from a tour of duty.

One day a year is not enough to honor the lifetime of love and support that our dads have given to us. And our commitment to promoting responsible fatherhood does not end with one announcement. Our work is ongoing. We need more Jonathans and Marys -- people who are willing to step up and do everything they can to set our kids on the right path, in community centers, on basketball courts, in libraries, and at dinner tables across America. While the responsibilities of being a father are never easy, being a dad is a privilege and can be one of the most fulfilling roles a man can have.

I encourage you to visit Fatherhood.gov to learn how you can get involved this year to help strong fathers build strong families in your neighborhood.

To my Dad, and all the dads out there -- and all the family and community members working to help them succeed as parents -- thank you for helping our children thrive, and for helping to ensure a brighter future for all of us.

Sex after kids: the art of the quickie

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.

Hey parents, remember sex before kids? Remember when lovemaking was long and languorous, when vacations and weekends (and every other moment of the day for that matter) potentially revolved around sex? Remember morning sex?

Chances are that many dads will get to sleep in this Father’s Day, but odds are their Sunday morning won’t include much post-coital cuddling - or coital anything for that matter. According to a recent survey by the online magazine Baby Talk, just 24% of parents say they’re satisfied with their post-baby sex lives, compared to 66% who were happy before they had children.

At Good in Bed, we believe that parenthood is about perfecting the art of the quickie and finding moments between the chaos and exhaustion to squeeze in some intimacy. Quickies don’t necessarily have to lead to orgasm, and they don’t even have to be wholly sexual.

Take a long hug, for example. Studies have shown that positive physical touch stimulates a brain chemical called oxytocin. Dubbed the “cuddle hormone,” it’s produced during a range of scenarios, including sexual arousal, orgasm and childbirth.

The result: Oxytocin helps to create a sense of emotional intimacy, relaxation, contentment and trust. Scientists have even found that oxytocin helps relieve stress, improve mood and lower blood pressure. Even better, you and your partner easily can boost oxytocin all day long: just a 20 to 30-second hug can raise oxytocin levels in both men and women.

Other potential quickies:

Re-discovering the art of the kiss. Believe it or not, less than 50% of people kiss their partners on daily basis. No wonder so many people are stuck in sex ruts. Once we stop kissing, it’s a sign that something needs to change.

Sending your partner a sexy text. These days technology is often depicted as a time bomb that could destroy a relationship at any moment, but couples in trusting long-term relationship can use sexy emails and texts with each other to cultivate their connection and build sexual anticipation.

Telling your partner about a sexy fantasy or dream. A study at Trent University in Peterborough, Ontario, found that intercourse is the most common sexual behavior in dreams. A healthy 37% of participants reported having a sexual dream once a week, while 19% reported dreaming about sex up to five times per week. So share the dream!

Hop in the shower together. With the summer heat come more excuses to shower - why not save the water and enjoy one together? If you’re headed for the beach, take some time to rub suntan lotion on your partner with meaning and verve.

These small connections may not be explicitly sexual, but they create “transferable” desire that adds up over time and contributes to lasting sexual desire and fulfilling sexual experiences.

“Little quickies are a great way to get our adrenaline going,” writes Naughty Mommy blogger, Heidi Raykeil: “From handjobs to frisky playful exhibitionism, to just taking a moment to feel each other up, quickies are a way of re-connecting and building up a reserve of sexual anticipation. Taking the big O out as a ‘goal’ really leaves more room for playful, fun stuff - as long as we know we can get that other fulfillment later.”

You can read the rest of the article at: http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/06/16/sex-after-kids-the-art-of-the-quickie/.